Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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