i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
