I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
