PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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