Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
