You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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