His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
