Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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