Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
