Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
