I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my being single is dangerous.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
