she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
