just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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