everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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