Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
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I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.