I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize