Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
