We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
