did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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