I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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