Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
