your room smells of hookers.
And success
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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