like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
