I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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