You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
