last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
