I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
