have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
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I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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