I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
