as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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