Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
