Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
