Kiss
Puke
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
