Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
