i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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