ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
