My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
wow bdsm is so cute
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
