No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
