my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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