I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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