pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
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He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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