Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
