What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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