When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
