Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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