I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
