I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
