Tell her she can't have a vagina
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
