Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
