Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
