My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
