The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
