omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
