Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
