I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
