so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
