Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
