i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I met the friendliest cop last night
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
love makes seman taste better
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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