I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Is it penis luge time yet?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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