I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
