I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
