How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
