Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
