Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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