i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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