Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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