guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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