i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
