We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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