Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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