I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
