About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
