Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
