the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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