his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
