Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
