I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
