you guys were way drunker than both of me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
that may or may not have been my penis.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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