She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
